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最終更新日 : 2012/01/30 (Mon) 09:26
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Hofstadter\'s Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter\'s Law.
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
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There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
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Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
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The nice thing about egotists is that they don\'t talk about other people.
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don\'t work, those that break down and those that get lost.
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, \'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don\'t believe?
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That\'s where we come in; we\'re computer professionals. We cause accidents.
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
If there?s one thing I know it?s God does love a good joke.
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they\'re going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they\'re eating sandwiches.
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
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A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
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Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
Maybe this world is another planet\'s Hell.
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From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there\'s no law against whacking them around a bit.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
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The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
If it wasn\'t for muscle spasms, I wouldn\'t get any exercise at all.
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
\'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible\', she said, \'but that alone doesn\'t make it true.\'
Never test for an error condition you don\'t know how to handle.
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
After every \'victory\' you have more enemies.
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
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Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
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In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
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Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
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What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don\'t know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that\'s my position.
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
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All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it\'s the exact opposite.
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
I\'m not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
Emulate your heros, but don\'t carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
Copy from one, it\'s plagiarism; copy from two, it\'s research.
If all the world\'s managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
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Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
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The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
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If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
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The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there\'s no risk of accident for someone who\'s dead.
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Never test for an error condition you don\'t know how to handle.
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Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
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There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
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Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
A physicist is an atom\'s way of knowing about atoms.
When I die I\'m going to leave my body to science fiction.
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If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
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I have not failed. I\'ve just found 10,000 ways that won\'t work.
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
I have an existential map; it has \'you are here\' written all over it.
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn\'t have an air force.
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
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The difference between \'involvement\' and \'commitment\' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was \'involved\' - the pig was \'committed\'.
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they\'re eating sandwiches.
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
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The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
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Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
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The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
We don\'t make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
I\'ve never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I\'ve seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
When I die I\'m going to leave my body to science fiction.
Mit der Dummheit k?mpfen G?tter selbst vergebens
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said \'You\'ve been promoted\'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said \'You\'ve been promoted again\'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said \'You\'re managing director.\' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said \'What happened to you?\' And I Said \'I careered off the road.\'
Maybe this world is another planet\'s Hell.
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn\'t cure.
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
It\'s not that I\'m afraid to die, I just don\'t want to be there when it happens.
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, \'Where have I gone wrong?\' Then a voice says to me, \'This is going to take more than one night.\'
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can\'t remember what they are.
We don\'t make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
You got to be careful if you don\'t know where you\'re going, because you might not get there.
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you\'ll be happy; if not, you\'ll become a philosopher.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, \'cause if they couldn\'t, they\'d have to wake up to the fact that life\'s one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can\'t seem to keep up is they\'re a bunch of misfits and losers.
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
I don\'t care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
You can pretend to be serious; you can\'t pretend to be witty.
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, \'Don\'t you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?\' I said \'I didn\'t know there were any witnesses. Now I\'ll have to kill you too\'.
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
Oh for pity\'s sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
It\'s dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that\'s successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
Hanlon\'s Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
Never test for an error condition you don\'t know how to handle.
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
Hearing nuns\' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
Hofstadter\'s Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter\'s Law.
I hope life isn\'t a big joke ... because I don\'t get it.
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
We\'ve all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn\'t get bigger or heavier.
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
Don\'t drive me crazy -- it\'s within walking distance.
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you\'ll be afraid to cough.
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
Three o\'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
I\'m fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
I don\'t know anything about music. In my line you don\'t have to.
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
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DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
Don\'t sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn\'t take it out of my garden.
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I\'d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
Mit der Dummheit k?mpfen G?tter selbst vergebens
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
Men have become the tools of their tools.
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
There\'s no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
A man\'s only as old as the woman he feels.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven\'t said enough.
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
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Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
War doesn\'t make boys men, it makes men dead.
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
I don\'t know anything about music. In my line you don\'t have to.
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don\'t need.
My last cow just died, so I won\'t need your bull anymore.
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there\'s no risk of accident for someone who\'s dead.
Those are my principles. If you don\'t like them I have others.
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
Which kills more people cigarettes or alcohol?
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
Lohr\'s Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ? and better tools.
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we\'d have a much easier time raising money.
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT\'S relativity.
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
最終更新日 : 2012/01/26/(Thu) 10:27
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